It's 4:45 AM, and I am unable to sleep. My thoughts have turned to the project of the day: finishing "day 1" and the junk area... moving on to the computer desk. Why have I been so resistant to doing this project? When Summer suggested it, I was TOTALLY ready (and have been for years) to de-clutter and get organized. Why has it not been a priority? During my early morning think session, things have become a little more clear to me.
My belief about life has been that life happens to you- you don't control it... you spend all your time moving from one project to the next- frustrated, tired, out of control. My lifetime wish has always been to be a mother, and children come first. I will gladly drop a day of cleaning to spend a day with nieces & nephews, or any little friends that might come my way. Besides, playing is SO much more fun that cleaning, everyone knows that! It's a "game" I play... what can I do to get out of cleaning today?
3 nights ago, while we were sharing a birthday celebration with a 1 year old nephew, my neighbor passed away. She was nearly 89 and had lived a very full, wonderful life, and I know we are going to miss her dearly. It has been difficult for me to see her family members gather... making plans for the future of her home, etc. It really struck me last night- if I were to pass tonight, what would people find in my home, and what would they have to deal with? I hardly ever invite people in as it is, because I am so embarrased by my home. It's also a reflection of who I am. I hardly ever invite friends to be deep, true friends, because I am so embarrased by the shape my body is in- I have SO many "surface friends" but deep down I know that's all they are, because that's all I allow them to be. I have not really believed I am worth it... another "game" I have played.
It's wonderful when you have these "ah-ha" moments... and what makes the difference is acting on them- not just packing them away somewhere in the back of your mind. I have so much cleaning to do in my house, I am sure I could fill a dumpster with all the excess. The computer desk alone will take the good part of a day. That day is today. Pictures will be posted some time later this evening- and progress will be made- one piece of clutter at a time!
Realizing is the first step. I will bring by LARGE garbage sacks and some things to help sort. Be prepared to make a list of items from IKEA that you need. We will start in one corner and when that square is done we can move on. See you at 1.
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